I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
