dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
