I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
