Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
