she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
