my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
