see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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