Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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