i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
