we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Randomize
