this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
