I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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