My first STD was from a foam party
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
