i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
two words: eviction party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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