i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
