It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
