You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
