dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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