Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize