WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
