so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
