So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
