$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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