i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
