Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
