I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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