he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Couch. On fire.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
