Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
this hospital has no fireball
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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