you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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