yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
