my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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