apparently the secret to your success is patron
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
