You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
