Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
