Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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