Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
