I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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