Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
