Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
