If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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