how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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