He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
