i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
