U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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