Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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