I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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