I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dignity is for republicans.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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