But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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