I can text with my tongue
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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