conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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